Oct 14, 2023

A tortoise pivot

With the Go airline about to cross over into the Asian market and the release of the open source Shimari Extension this summer, it feels like Mirth Turtle is on the cusp of explosive success. But just in case any VCs are hovering, it's pragmatic to have a pivot planned and ready. Luckily, there's an adjacent animal from which to execute such a maneuver: the esteemed tortoise.

This fall, a new branch of the business is taking shape. Focused on live coding, open source software, and supporting shareware authors from days past, Source Tortoise Software is almost here to diversify the animal line-up. Keep an eye on the Twitch channel for the inaugural broadcast, and let me know if you think of any more shelled creatures I can incorporate into the project.

Speaking of incorporation, Mirth Turtle corped up this summer, which means I'm now obligated to multiple classes of shareholders! To prevent me from being removed as CEO in disgrace, please help the company earn profits by investing in a Mirth Turtle membership. The lifetime option is most prestigious, but now there's a monthly option too, if you needed a reason to put a 🐢 into your monthly budget spreadsheet. Because let's be honest – we all need more animals in our financial documents.

May 31, 2023

Mirth Turtle takes flight

Nothing kills the momentum of a technology-based business like a lack of dev time, revenue, marketing, in-person appearances, and hope for the future. But once spring returns, along with the sun, there's sure to be a boost in all areas. To leverage this, Mirth Turtle is launching a new Go airline! Let's just hope I have enough runway.

Something else to blame for killing business momentum is the shifting online landscape. With the slow, sad collapse of Twitter and subsequent failures of various Mastodon servers I migrated to, I was lacking a reliable social network on which to post cat pictures and Go memes. But not one to wait around for some billionaire to hack together the next misinformation machine, I built one of my own where only I can post! Along with consolidating underappreciated bangers from years past, it sends out weekly newsletter-style emails so you'll never miss a post because of a corporate algorithm. Now I have reliable microcommunication and I don't have to deal with randos challenging my correct opinions or posting their own.

In more chilling news – this year has brought the grave uncertainty of AI. Now that those electric brains are threatening to upend even my backup careers, it feels timely to look back at my 2015 novel Ghostcrime, in which I predicted an eerie amount of this cold robot future (but not, unfortunately, soon enough to stop it from happening). Here at Mirth Turtle HQ, Dawn's working hard on a new edition with more bonus appendix material, an updated cover from Bruce and even a tabletop RPG! Keep an eye out for that... as well as any genius-level logic machines attempting to steal your livelihood.

Jan 27, 2023

Seed Round

This company's on the cusp of an official launch, and you know what that means – asking investors for money. But none of them are returning my calls, so if you'd like to step up, here's one way: purchasing the Comedy Gold lustrecard.

You aren't just buying metal – encoded in each magnetic strip is 76 characters of pure comedy! That's far more than Visa or MasterCard provides. You'll also get a lifetime membership to the site, which is considered by some to be priceless.

This fresh injection of capital will be necessary for hiring a team of dedicated staff, renting headquarters, etc. I've been watching that show "Industry", and it's given me a lot of ideas about things a business should have. Although: I don't want to be on the phone as much as they are. That industry really needs to learn about email.

For those with no interest in comedy products, there's another way to support this enterprise. While I was cleaning up a garbage spill outside, I came upon a slimy hard drive, and stored within was some similarly disgusting digital currency! Please help me burn some of this odious Raccooncoin using my proprietary algorithm.