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Mirth Turtle Mirth Turtle Social

Poor James Franco... he got big right around the time it became societally unacceptable to be a megacreep of his caliber

Tax regulations are always like, β€œyour return is due in three months... but any balance owing is due Yesterday”

I guess I should stop at nothing to succeed but I'm sort of tired

Next time it's summer I need to make a video for myself about how winter will eventually end

Doing taxes is like writing an exam about your bank account

Charlie is ten today! 🧁

Charlie celebrates his birthday with a nap.

The best things to invest in these days are like, β€œWhat if you could trade tokenized real estate... BETWEEN blockchains?”

Tried to infiltrate the Cats subreddit but I haven't commented on enough cats yet

My Charlie post was instantly removed, even though he's beautiful.

Rebuilt my Corsi-Rosenthal box

A very dusty filter box made from a box fan and furnace filters. A pristine rebuild and I am ready to breathe again.

Online banking should play a brief celebration GIF if you make a huge deposit or reach certain thresholds. Maybe they do

I've never been one to say, β€œThat's a great question.” I'll just answer the question without complimenting it

Maybe there's a better way to market this company than thrashing potential customers on the Go server

Does anyone else do β€œbiscuits” on the ottoman like a cat to stretch out your upper back

*doing some financial planning* OK so I need my portfolio to double in the next three days

If I were ever on a weeks-long villa-based reality show I don't think I'd be emotionally manipulated by the producers' tricks

I don't want to use... πŸ”’ Unlock

*things get bad again* OK it's time to bring back the sticker book. Let's get some dolphins on the day planner

A lady came very close to saying it today but instead just straight up asked how tall. And then she said it β€œlooked good on me” but now I worry she was gathering info in case I robbed the store

Thinkng of doing a Fyre Fest type event where a bunch of Go players travel to my half-acre of swampy forest for a rustic Go retreat except it's winter and they have to chop all the wood

Having a funeral for the stew I accidentally left out on the counter overnight

In contact sports such as hockey, it should be more normalized to resign a hopeless game. No wonder there are so many fights

Finance guys are like, β€œif it goes to $9.50, it could hit $10 after that... but if it goes down to $8.50, we could be looking at $8”

I love the NSFW tag on reddit, like the boss would prefer you waste company time watching wholesome r/OddlySatisfying content

Watching Untraceable with the boys and doing airhorns when Colin Hanks gets tortured

Thinking of reaching out to an ambitious former coworker and posing as a reporter from Baller Magazine