2023-01-27

Seed Round

This company's on the cusp of an official launch, and you know what that means – asking investors for money. But none of them are returning my calls, so if you'd like to step up, here's one way: purchasing the Comedy Gold lustrecard.

You aren't just buying metal – encoded in each magnetic strip is 76 characters of pure comedy! That's far more than Visa or MasterCard provides. You'll also get a lifetime membership to the site, which is considered by some to be priceless.

This fresh injection of capital will be necessary for hiring a team of dedicated staff, renting headquarters, etc. I've been watching that show "Industry", and it's given me a lot of ideas about things a business should have. Although: I don't want to be on the phone as much as they are. That industry really needs to learn about email.

For those with no interest in comedy products, there's another way to support this enterprise. While I was cleaning up a garbage spill outside, I came upon a slimy hard drive, and stored within was some similarly disgusting digital currency! Please help me burn some of this odious Raccooncoin using my proprietary algorithm.